July 12

One thing that happens when you get into recovery is that dreams can start to come true and you don't have to live in a nightmare any longer. Something that they don't tell you about are using dreams. Using dreams are extremely vivid dreams that involve a person drinking or drugging and usually happen early in sobriety. I have known people who have been sober for 20 years that still get them. They are so realistic and details that you often wake up not knowing if they are true or not if you are lucky. They can also wake you up in the dead of sleep panicking, covered in sweat. I'm mentioning this because that's how I woke up early this morning. I'm not 100% sure I was having a using dream but I came out of my slumber and heard snorting and just started screaming. I was so out of it I didn't know if it was real. After collecting my thoughts I chalked it up to a deer rutting around my tent and fell back asleep with one eye open. Literally and figuratively. When the sun came up and I got moving for the day I inspected the area around my tent. I concluded that it definitely wasn't a deer. It was a wild hog. I am telling myself that it was only one to keep from freaking out but judging by the tracks there had to be more than one of different sizes. Needless to say I packed up quickly and got on the water. I made it to Helena, AR and chained my boat up and went looking for some cold water and Wifi. I found a coffee shop and made myself comfortable. I have a previous engagement I need to be back in Columbus for in about 10 days so I was looking for flights. This is more challenging than I thought. After not planning anything more than a day or two in in advance, now I have to plan 10 days and several hundred miles. I decided that Jackson, MS was the largest airport I could reasonably get to in that amount of time. I hit purchase and my mind went spinning. Now I had to make it happen. I had 226 miles to get to Vicksburg, MS.  Find a place to store my boat and gear. Find a way to get from Vicksburg to Jackson in time to catch my flight by the mid day the 20th. I started running scenarios in my head about how many miles I needed to do each day. Plan A, B, C. I started thinking about what was going to go wrong, because I'm still an alcoholic and think that something is always going to go wrong. After running scenarios, good and bad the rest of the day, I decided to let it go and just focus on today. To continue to do the same thing I do everyday. Just do my best and paddle till it gets dark or I get tired. There is no sense in worrying about the future. All I have to do is try my best today and wake up tomorrow and repeat.